i kinda sorta used to be in love with you, i guess maybe

i.

traces of nostalgia in my system

twisting scribbles into scriptures 

planting spotlights on my unscripted mind

snug in between my most awkward moments 

and deepest hopes

ii. 

there's an odd sense of comfort

in the way your lips curl when you smile

iii. 

sometimes i hate when we don't speak

iv. 

i'd rather not let feelings leak through winks 

and blank stares

i'd rather move hollow hearted and blank faced

v. 

because of you

i've learned that chasing after schoolgirl crushes

brings about nothing but skinned knees

my wounds are still fresh

they still bleed

because of you

i keep kelly clarkson on repeat

vi. 

i'd rather learn how to heal

so i don't have to dwell 

on the emotional debt 

of he-who-must-not-be-named

vii. 

i feel like severus snape

viii. 

sometimes i hate you

ix. 

i lock my door when i go to sleep

i don't even trust me, with me

heart charred black

can't even see when you fucked up at

but the scar's still there

shaped like your lips

when you last told me you cared

x. 

i don't trust me, with me

i have to learn to keep my body in a sacred place

i have to learn to treat my body like a sacred place

but sleeping alone makes my heart race

i lay awake at night keeping it at pace

xi. 

i hate being a mess

xii. 

i hate the difference
between being in love
and loving

xiii. 

i only fall in love with
lunar eclipses

chamomile tea

and friends reruns

xiv.

anymore