5 days until 21

Current state: I have a headache. I seem to have a headache quite often lately. I don't really know why. I drink a shit ton of water all the time. Maybe it's because I've been sort of stressed lately. But, it's not that great of a reason to feel like Shrek is pummeling your head with a poorly constructed hammer. My back's been hurting too. Sometimes my body feels more like 60, and less like 20.

My birthday is in a couple days. I'm excited to turn 21. It's going to be a good year. I've got great people in my life. I'm on set to graduate in May. I'm gonna have the sickest senior year of all time.

 I have a lot of half-written poems in my notes. I really do need help picking up the pieces. I might call some poetry homies soon to help me out. Cause, I'm really feeling like Professor Calamitous right now.

Here's one that I wrote not too long ago,

i admit i still fantasize about you
and the way your baby blues
crooned

That's it. Like, what? I have a bunch of random couplets that don't make sense together. Who knows what I'll do with them in the future.

I'm not sure if I'm ready to love yet. It all hurts. I totally wish I could see the future, so I can be with someone who won't screw me over and avoid all the ones that will. But, I guess I need to stop being such a weeny and jump. But, I don't know, something in me just thinks I should focus on me. Love always seems to distract me.

I'm not too happy yet, but I see it in my future.

R&B has kinda turned into something that promotes unhealthy relationships. Like, the guys in R&B are usually all in love & worshiping the girl that they're with but the popular R&B singers now are just saying what the rappers are saying, but in a prettier tune. Looking at you Bryson Tiller & PND.

So, I've been trying to find some music to make me feel better. Here's a good one.


Y'all hear Mick Jenkins' Healer beat behind the tune? I do.

I always feel weird about my body so it's nice for someone to be there to combat the bad thoughts.

I'm rambling; I'm just gonna stop now.

Anyway, good night.