sometimes, i feel like i should be finding other ways to medicate. i always wanted to find some type of quick fix that would make me feel better. by me, i mean my mind - my body - my spirit. they're all kinda tainted right now. it's a plethora of reasons, but all of them coming for me at once is affecting me. it really is.
one of the ways that i medicate is through my writing. it feels good to bring about something beautiful from something ugly. people tell me that i'm a good writer. i believe them most of the time. but, i often think that people just tell me what they think i need to hear to make me feel better. i guess you can say that i don't take compliments well.
one of my favorite rappers is ironically, chance the rapper. he just dropped his newest project coloring book. of course, i was practically peeing my pants when it dropped. but one song in particular stuck with me. same drugs. it reminds me of my last situationship. that situation doesn't hurt as bad as it used to, so i figured i could write something more than "fuck you" ten thousand times. same drugs is an emotional song, you know? it tugged at my heart a bit. made a real nigga get a tad soft. so, of course i was quite inspired to write a little something. here's a couple stanzas of it. i won't post the whole thing, it gets kinda deep you know? maybe i will later, but not right now. i think my sister reads this blog. i'd rather her not see it.
iv.
It was easy for you to quit me.
I get that.
I don’t come with withdrawal symptoms.
v.
Cold turkey is your middle name;
that’s how you quit smoking weed,
seasoning salt, and slow juking.
You yearned for detachment.
I was too sticky.
vi.
The last time you told me you loved me
my heart sunk into my empty stomach and
twisted my insides into a bow.
You said you were giving me a present by leaving me.
But it did not feel like Christmas.
More like the last meal before my execution.
time to find new things to write about, i guess?
- nia simone
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