i had a moment of weakness today. a thing that was said sent my thoughts spiraling down. i really do have to get better control of this, because my mood is something that's so fragile. holding onto a good feeling is something that is hard for me. but i just started to think about my life after college, and how i have absolutely nothing figured out. no type of job security. no next step. i know my senior year is the year where i can figure all of that out, but it just really sent me to an incredibly dark place. see, it starts with me not knowing what i'm going to do after college and it'll lead into something like "no one will love you if you can't provide for yourself" and then it'll lead into the lovely thought of "you're an incompetent human being." it can never stay at one level for me. and, i'll never know my triggers until they happen. that's the worst part. i'm not in a constant state of worry because it doesn't happen all of the time, but this even is pushing me into becoming the biggest worrier on earth. i hate the anxiety. i hate the depression. i hate the fact that mental health isn't taken neaaaarly as seriously as physical health. sometimes i feel really crazy. i wonder if i am.
- nia simone
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